my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
