I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
