Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize