to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
