6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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