apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
