I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize