I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
