i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
