Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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