I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
