Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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