She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
