Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
