I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
