you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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