we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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