Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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