u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
