are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize