Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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