Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize