Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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