addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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