Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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