I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Are my feet made of real feet?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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