I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize
