I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
