I can tuck mytits in my pants
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
