Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize