member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
