I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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