guys are not supposed to queef...right?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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