sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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