xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Four minutes until I can fart!
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
