Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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