The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
