Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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