come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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