I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
