I'm gonna have a badass scar
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Do you remember whose house we're in?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
