Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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