he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
