i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
