Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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