I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
