I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I'm jealous of your bromance
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Did I show you my penis last night?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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