even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
