I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
