last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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