mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
