No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
