it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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