I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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