fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
