if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
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