Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
