I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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