dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
