i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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