I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
