tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
When are your genitals available?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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