i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
