I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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