I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
