im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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