What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
did i walk over a car last night?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
