have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
