i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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