I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
