watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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