Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
