I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
