great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
even my farts smell like vagina
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
It was a blind-side dick pic.
and you fell through a lawn chair
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
