good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
