Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
