I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
