yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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