You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
