I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Randomize
