Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
