All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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