dude i'm inner monologue high
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
