if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
