Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
