dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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