if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Randomize
