I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
