I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
