There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize