Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
