sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
