she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
