Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
