Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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